I cannot find my penis.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
