just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
