First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
