dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
