no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
