So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
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