awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
