I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
