I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
