I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
