ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
