hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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