You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
