I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i would punch a child for taco bell
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
