just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Randomize
