I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I need water and some morals
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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