but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
