also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
