Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Randomize
