You just made me feel so damn special
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
