If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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