We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
