so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
