Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
