my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Randomize
