i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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