...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
