I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
