youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
