bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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