he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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