Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
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