I just saw a hot homeless man
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I need a beard to bite.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
