Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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