we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
