i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
