Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
