Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
