Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
