I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
