sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
