I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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