Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
