I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
