you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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