She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
