you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Nobody cheats on THIS.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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