im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
