I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
