Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
